I know it’s naive but I like to believe the best in people. So when an elderly client’s adult child told me Sibling #1, who was living with his father, was planning on taking the home sale proceeds and leaving his dad with nothing I didn’t want to believe it. One of my clients recently reminded me of the axiom about three sides to every story: your side, my side and what really happened. I needed to find out the rest of the story.
Sibling #1 was brazenly bizarre, and normal Sibling not living with the father told me about his history of heavy drug abuse and addiction. He ostensibly was caring for his father, but the normal Sibling told me he had been siphoning off all his dad’s savings to the tune of millions of dollars. They were at the point where they couldn’t even pay the mortgage and needed the money from the sale because all other resources had been exhausted. And yet every time I came to the house it smelled heavily of marijuana. They couldn’t pay the mortgage, but Stoned Sibling #1 could buy weed.
Sibling #2 thought Sibling #1 had been running up his father’s credit without his father’s knowledge. Sibling #1 confided in me that his father had about $100,000 in debt. Sibling #2 told me she had checked it a year prior and it was almost double that. A very experienced Realtor told me to just keep my head down and work through it, let it pass. But I’m not wired like that. So at the suggestion of Sibling #2 I decided to try to check the father’s credit. I asked Sibling #1 if it would be okay so we could make sure nobody had been abusing his father’s credit and at first he said fine. The suggestion must have caught him off guard.
I showed up at the house with a credit check authorization and when I presented it to the father the son freaked out. No way was he signing it! He texted me later, “I already said FUCKING NO CREDIT REPORT ARE YOU DEAF OR STUPID!!” Actually I’m quite deaf and wear hearing aids, but that’s another story.
The incident confirmed for me that Sibling #1 had been using his father’s credit to steal from him.
I spoke with Sibling #2 and was told that a doctor and a banker had each called Adult Protective Services already on the son. As a Realtor I don’t have the duty to call APS in a situation like that, where a banker does. I was selling the house and what happened to the money was for the father to decide, even if he decided to give it all to his son. Or if he let his son take it, either way it wasn’t my business.
But I made it my business. I called APS which was supposed to be an anonymous call, knowing Sibling #1 would figure out it was me. I also was certain I would no longer be able to work on the sale. Sibling #1 was quite furious to get another visit and interview with APS. He was typically profane in lengthy text messages to me, and this is how our relationship ended. I received a rambling rant of 8 consecutive text messages, the last of which was, “You aren’t much of a man are you?” Not really, not if being a man means getting me ass kicked or killed. How did he expect me to respond to such provocation?
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“Please don’t contact me again.”
To which he replied, “Gladly you fucking pussy.” He proceeded to insult me and swear at me in three more consecutive text messages before I blocked him. He probably kept sending me inimical texts throughout the night and into the next day. Ha, ha!
There’s more to this story which I won't get into. Ultimately it didn’t have a fairy tale ending. APS intervened and tried to enlighten the father about his son’s behavior, but the father dismissed them. His son completely controlled his father. He obviously felt dependent on the son. If he wanted to give all of his money to his son, that was his right. Soon after we parted ways they listed the property for sale with another broker and it sold quickly. The house would have been a very good one for my business, both in it’s prime location and excellent sales price.
I never felt like not calling APS was an option. The father was my client and I had to act in his best interests, even if that was outside my scope of duty. I told my daughters about everything because I hope if they are ever in a similar situation that they’ll try to stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves even at their own expense. And even if those they defend decide to stay seated.
There was a chance the father would listen to reason from APS, ban the son from the house and move into a retirement home near Sibling #2. That was Sibling #2's hope. The way things went down though, Sibling #2 believed the father would end up in a retirement home for the indigent, which would be a far cry from the comfort of the retirement home he could have paid into.
Even though it didn’t turn out well for me or the father, if I had to do it all over again I’d still call APS because that’s what I’d want done for anyone’s parents if they were in that situation.
If you believe an Adult is being abused, physically, financially or emotionally please contact Marin Adult Protective Services at: (415) 473-2774.